When we hear the term “self-care,” we often think of activities like taking a warm shower or sneaking away for a quick coffee break. But self-care goes far beyond these fleeting moments. Truly embracing self-care (or whatever you’d prefer to call it) is a profound understanding that you and your needs matter — not merely because taking care of yourself allows you to continue caring for others, but because you inherently, unequivocally, and ultimately have value as a human being. Your needs and care are important because you are important.

Self-care is highly individual; there is no single “right” way to engage in it. The first step (aside from embracing the idea that you deserve self-care) is to “plug in” to yourself. Ask: What fills you up? What makes you feel most like yourself? What makes you feel calmer, more confident, and more present in your life? Even if just by a little bit. It doesn’t have to be big, expensive or time-consuming; it could be something as simple as cuddling with a pet, taking a walk, connecting with your breath or listening to your favourite music.

Once you’ve identified these activities that help you feel more regulated, make a point to incorporate them into your daily routine — not just when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, but as a regular part of your life. The goal here is quality. Setting aside time to ground yourself, a few minutes at a time, ideally a few times a day, in a mindful, meaningful way. 

Deb Dana refers to these activities as “anchors” — which can best be understood as the opposite of triggers. Where triggers send our body into a fight, flight or freeze response, anchors help our nervous system return to (or find!) a sense of safety, calm, and connection. 

By consistently and predictably grounding ourselves, even if just for a few moments at a time, we move the “starting line”; when life becomes stressful or overwhelming (because it will!), we will have established, familiar ways to reconnect with ourselves. 

And then, if we decide to really “treat” ourselves, we’re not starting from square one with something that feels foreign or unnatural; we’re just building on an already solid foundation of self-care, self-love and self-appreciation.